All The Things We Pretend
by SignsofSam
Summary: Change, Wait, Pretend, Understand, Love, Hurt, and Want. Because all actions speak louder than words. b/c d/s l/b/r. A look at MIDAN from the perspective of all the characters. Final chap. 61508
1. change, wait, pretend

**Title:** All The Things We Pretend

**Summary: **_He would change for her; she would wait for him; she pretended to love. _A look at MIDAN from the perspective of all the characters. In this section: Chuck, Serena, Lily, and coming up next: Blair, Dan, and Bart/Rufus (That part's TBA-you can vote if you want)

**Rating: **K+

**Word Count**: 1200

**Disclaimer**: I do not own _Gossip Girl_. If I did, things would have worked out perfectly in the end and, well, obviously they didn't, so thus I claim no ownage. Doing this for no profit, and i am a lowly college student with no money, so don't sue.

**Author's Notes:** This was rattling in my head from right after I watched the finale. I was so angry with the sense of incompletion in what I saw in the finale because it didn't answer any questions, and opened more up (for me, anyway). So, here it is, and I hope you like it (and review, please! It makes my day, and I'll give you eCookies :) )

**-change-**

cheynj

_verb, to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone; to transform or convert; to substitute another or others for; exchange for something else, usually of the same kind; to give and take reciprocally, interchange/_

--

He would change for her.

As they shared that dance-that kiss-he promised himself that _this_ would be different, and that it was for her, because of her. He felt like he could feel the rest of his world being handed to him, on a silver platter, with the name Blair Waldorf headlining his future.

They swirled, and the pink caught his eyes, and he couldn't help but think how utterly _beautiful_ she was and how she fit with him, how she belonged with him, on his arm, not as a possession, a bauble that could be showed off, but as the person who captured his heart. As he had told her before, she was a possession on others' arm, but on his she was so much more.

Clearly, Chuck Bass was smitten.

It was a good change for him, to be so in love with something or someone that it hurt. He finally felt what Nate felt, he felt the burning desire and the lust and the want and the fear that, deep down inside, it wouldn't be reciprocated.

But now he had a decision to make, as he met Lily's interior designer, intern-_whatever-_on whether to stay or go to Blair, to the jet, for a fun-filled couple hours of making-out. His hand hovered above the flowers-he had found them at the florist earlier, and he had this speech prepared about how they didn't compare to the radiance of Blair herself and he was going to give her the speech…

but the flowers went in the trash, save one, so he could wine and dine the sweet-looking Amelia…Amy…hell, did it really matter her name? Maybe he should just call her conquest # 314.

Damn that girl, Damn her prettiness, and, for once in his life, damn him, because he was trying to change and absolutely couldn't, not to save his life, not today, because he was Chuck Bass and his heart could take another hit.

But, someday, someday….he would change for her…

he would change for Blair…

Someday.

**-wait-**

weyt

_verb, to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed; to look forward to eagerly; to continue as one is in expectation of, await; to postpone or delay in expectation._

_--_

She would wait for him.

As they stayed close together, barely moving, swaying to the soft sounds of the band in the middle of the dance floor, she knew that no matter what, she would wait for him. Wait for him to work this out in his mind, to interpret it as Dan Humphrey always must, and figure out what plan of action was best.

She would wait for him because she needed to. She needed him. In the past months, he was what made her feel alive, feel free from the burden of her past and, most importantly, he was what she saw when she looked into her future. She could see him waiting for her as she walked down the aisle in some classic piece from some designer label-perhaps Vera Wang or Stella McCartney or Oscar de la Renta-and she could see him taking her hand and wiping the tears from her eyes-softly, because he never did anything rough-and whispering the vows of love and forgiveness in her ear as the rest of the world watched on, all but forgotten in the minds of the two lovers.

She could almost feel his hand press against the small of her back as they danced to some cool song-their first dance wasn't going to be anything traditional, not if she had something to say-and she could feel him turn her and then dip her, as he did at the debutante ball, leaning with her to kiss her senseless. And she could see her grandmother as she watched on-clearly disappointed and disapproving-and then Dan would call her CeCe and Serena's grandmother would absolutely flip-

And she smiled at that thought.

She would wait for him and hope. Hope she could find it in herself to not be selfish if-no, when-he came back to her. She hoped she wouldn't hold this breakup against him, because truly, coming clean sounded like a better option now than it did when she decided against it.

Serena sat back on the pool chair, the hot sun soaking into her skin, and she smiled.

One day he would come, and she would wait.

Always.

**-pretend-**

pri-tend

_Verb; to appear falsely as to decieve, feign; to make believe; to presume, venture; to allege or profess, especially insincerely or falsely._

--

She pretended to love him.

It started with a date to a charity function, and both Bart and she were stag (her third husband was a long-forgotten-but still regretted-memory, and no one on the Upper East Side would soon forget the fiasco of Bart's marriage), and her stylist had set the two up to meet at the event. From there it had been-well, not love-at-first-sight, that's for sure.

Love at first site was standing in the front row of a concert for the Stones with Lincoln Hawk opening. It was having the lead singer of said opening band catching your eye, and then a security guard asking you backstage, and having one of the best nights of your life with a smoking hot guy.

_That was love-at-first-sight_.

This was love-at-convenience-sake.

And the decision, partly, of her daughter, who was going to be with Rufus Humphrey's son no-matter-what. She would rather be Chuck's sister than Dan's, after all. She loved Dan, she could see Dan in her future.

Yet, Serena was no longer with her _future_, and here she was, stuck with _Bart_.

But it was okay, because she was sure he would love her, treat her right, and somehow they would be happy-

And she could always remember the night before her wedding, with Rufus, and that would make her happy, and that would keep her married.

As for her daughter, she wished Serena happiness, and hoped the future she once spoke of brightly would soon return, because she wasn't happy, and even if Lily was miserable, she didn't want her daughter to be. Serena, after all she had been through, deserved not to repeat Lily's past. She deserved to be happy, even if it was with a Humphrey from Brooklyn.

"Are you allright, Lily?"

Lily van der Woodsen smiled politely, nodding to her husband, turning back to Amelia, answering her question about the carpet for their home.

The smile said it all; she could pretend she was happy.

She could pretend she loved him.

She was good at deceiving.


	2. understand, love, hurt, want

**Title:** All The Things We Pretend

**Summary: **_she would understand him; he loved her; she had hurt him; he wanted her. _A look at MIDAN from the perspective of all the characters. In this section: Blair, Dan, and Bart/Rufus (That part's TBA-you can vote if you want)

**Rating: **K+

**Word Count**: 1200

**Disclaimer**: I do not own _Gossip Girl_. If I did, things would have worked out perfectly in the end and, well, obviously they didn't, so thus I claim no ownage. Doing this for no profit, and i am a lowly college student with no money, so don't sue.

**Author's Notes:** This was rattling in my head from right after I watched the finale. I was so angry with the sense of incompletion in what I saw in the finale because it didn't answer any questions, and opened more up (for me, anyway). So, here it is, and I hope you like it (and review, please! It makes my day, and I'll give you eCookies :) )

**-understand-**

uhn-der-stand

_verb: to perceive the meaning of, grasp the idea of, comprehend; to be thoroughly familiar with, apprehend clearly the character, nature, or subtleties of._

She would understand him.

She would understand his quirks, his uniqueness, his totally ability to screw everything over in a minute's time, because that was just Chuck. He couldn't help it, and she couldn't hold it against him because she _knew _he was that way. She had learned that about him a long time ago, and she knew that changing over a week would be nearly impossible.

As she watched the sky below her, the financial planner beside her jabbering away about this and that in Bart's business, she studied her phone, the message Chuck had sent her, wondering if it was cause for concern, because she should understand his game and his lies by now, but this time, she thought it-and he-was different.

Maybe she was sadly mistaken. A leopard can't change it's spots, afterall, and it appears like Chuck Bass can't either. She wondered who he was screwing this time-the conceirge at the hotel, the limo driver's daughter the-

No, she wouldn't think like that. Chuck Bass was hers', finally hers', and she should only think happy thoughts about this relationship. It would work out, it would be the relationship she was finally searching for, it would-

She turned away from the window, a pretend smile on her face as she looked at the financial planner-or whoever-and she waited.

And she wondered.

And then she thought "What the hell am I doing?"

The planner-Henry, Lucas, John, _whatever_-asked her a question, and an actual smile graced her face. She grabbed his tie, biting her lip, giving him a come-and-get-me look, and forgot for the day all about Chuck and his stupid promises and the fact that he wouldn't ever change.

Maybe she would give his world a try…

And then maybe Blair would finally understand.

**-love-**

luhv

_Verb; to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for; to have a strong liking for, take great pleasure in; to need or require, benefit greatly from_

--

He loved her.

Their relationship started out with a lie, with an image of what she should be like, with a preconceived notion of what his life was like. He wasn't surprised it also ended that way, though the abrupt ending and the girl it ended over definitely wasn't the way he imagined it.

Maybe that should say something when he imagines how his relationship would end.

It didn't start until Serena started acting weird-when she skipped out of the SATs and wouldn't talk to him, when she lied and when she cheated-but maybe he should blame that all on Sarah-no, _no,_ Georgina. Georgina was to blame for their separation, for their lives going awry.

Georgina, and themselves. If Serena wouldn't have lied, if Dan wouldn't have pressed…who knew what could have happened. What _would _have happened. Probably not their heated debate, not their heated words.

Not their breakup.

He sighed as he swirled the paint, giving Vanessa a fake smile he knew she could see through, but continuing on nonetheless. He just needed-_they_ just needed-time, a chance to forgive one another of their sins and find their way into a longing and a missing state until they just couldn't keep their hands away from one another.

That's when the true healing would begin, when they were back in one another's arms, lips all over, hugging, touching, grabbing, _wanting_. Yes, he still loved her.

He definitely still loved her. The way she interrupted him, the way her hair shone in the sunlight, the way she could instantly brighten whatever bad day he was having…_that's_ how he knew that he loved her so much.

But right now, his heart hurt because of all the lies she had told him, all the things that could have been shared and then wouldn't have blown up in his face.

He felt like a fool, but not the same way he had when they had been caught making out on the stairs, or when Vanessa came in just before they did it, or when her grandmother looked on as he twirled her around on a gleaming dance floor, as if they were the only two people there.

Remembering those, Dan Humphrey's frown spread to an idiotic grin.

Oh, yeah, he loved her.

Indefinitely.

**-hurt-**

hurt

_Verb; to cause bodily injury or pain; injure or pain; to affect adversely, harm; to cause mental pain to, to offend or grieve_

_--_

She had hurt him.

Sure, she had taken his ring, spoke promises of love and loyalty, but he knew.

He knew she was dreaming of a brown haired man currently on tour, his guitar by his side and his thoughts to guide him. She was thinking about the time on the night before _their _marriage when she should be swooning at luxurious accomodations for _their _honeymoon. She was dreaming of the simple life she could be leading with the other man instead of fawning over the jewels he bought and offered her, and he was simply to hurt to mention it.

He loved Lily. She was what he wanted, what he had dreamed about since the marriage to wife number one didn't work out.

An it _hurt _his heart that his affections and love were not returned. He didn't understand what _Rufus_ had to offer; he didn't understand what had her coming back for more, but he knew that in this battle of tug-a-war, he was currently winning, and he thanked his lucky stars that that was the case.

"This is so sweet. Thank you." She kissed his temple, and he wondered why it wasn't his lips, why it was a soft touch instead of a scorching kiss of passion and fire, like he was sure _they_ shared together in his apartment, in his gallery…

He returned her smile, though his was as fake as they came. He knew how to fake feelings; he did it often for business partners to assuage the situation and to smooth over rough spots, but he never thought he'd be doing it to his own wife.

And as she poured them drinks, talking to him about such and such that would be done to their personal apartments, he swirled the amber liquid in the glass, downing it.

Oh, how he was hurt.

How broken did his heart feel, split in two and bleeding, hoping she'd realize and pick up the pieces.

She smiled once again, sealing their fate.

He'd remain hut.

Eternally.

**-want-**

wont, wawnt

_Verb; to feel a need for or desire for, wish for; to wish, crave, need, demand, or desire for; to require or need_

_--_

He wanted her.

He wanted to kiss those soft lips, run his hands through that golden hair, kiss that creamy skin…he wanted all of her, forever.

Too bad she was hundreds of miles away getting married, and he was on a small bus with his band, driving to their next location. They were heading off in separate directions, forever parted.

Lily van der Woodsen would always be that _someone _for him. She inspired his songs, for god sakes, and took the primary position in his dreams.

God, Rufus wanted her.

For forever.


End file.
